Why virtue?

I was actively involved in an Indian based spiritual community for 18 years and was given my spiritual name which means blissful virtue. Osho saw my caring nature and Punya (Buddhist for virtue) I became and remain. Seeking went out the window when I married for the 2nd time and decided to become a foster parent taking on the care of two special needs children. Peaceful comtemplation didn't have a chance in this household. Crazyness always lurking on the edge definitely had an edge once the rollercoaster gained speed. I have a family history of mental illness and have married two men (at different times) who both developed mental illness over the course of the marriage. Maybe I drive men crazy who knows!! As for my sanity I've managed to keep it all together (just!) but wonder why this journey has been so difficult and why I have created this reality for myself. My mum committed suicide when I was 28. She set herself alight with kerosene and had both internal and external burns. She died 5 days later.