Jake the Jack

My dog Jake has been sorely testing my sanity this week when I've found him inside when I'm absolutely sure that I had put him outside. Well dear reader I wasn't losing the whole plot. Today with a crash and bang the dog appeared inside having climb a small ladder, walk along a flower box and squeezed cthrough a narrow window opening left open for the cats and then with a mighty crash landing in amongst Jesse's toys and Jack your uncle Jake is in side.

Why virtue?

I was actively involved in an Indian based spiritual community for 18 years and was given my spiritual name which means blissful virtue. Osho saw my caring nature and Punya (Buddhist for virtue) I became and remain. Seeking went out the window when I married for the 2nd time and decided to become a foster parent taking on the care of two special needs children. Peaceful comtemplation didn't have a chance in this household. Crazyness always lurking on the edge definitely had an edge once the rollercoaster gained speed. I have a family history of mental illness and have married two men (at different times) who both developed mental illness over the course of the marriage. Maybe I drive men crazy who knows!! As for my sanity I've managed to keep it all together (just!) but wonder why this journey has been so difficult and why I have created this reality for myself. My mum committed suicide when I was 28. She set herself alight with kerosene and had both internal and external burns. She died 5 days later.

Lets give it a go.

Well where to start I ask myself and not too much comes to mind. I'm listening to John Lennon's 'Cold Turkey" on www.wolfgangsvault.com. It's a song about pain. Feeling the depth of distress. I'm pleased to say that my life is not plunging down into those depth right now. Being a carer of a family with multiple disabilities and special needs is definitely like being on a rollercoaster plunging down into depth of pain and then riding high when all is not as stressful. There is not a lot of being on the level ground of peace and relaxation though I'm hoping with time that this will change.